Medication: The Choice

Funny really, I've got a lot to write in this blog but my brain went 'Oh you can't update loads on one day, you need to space it out' but I want to write more now, Brain. Where's the rule that I can't update a million times in one day and then nothing for a few days after? It's my damn blog and I'll update when I want so get back to those important functions like breathing and not making me stressed, thanks.

So, meds. It's something I've completely changed my mind over in a few days. Originally I never wanted to touch them. I felt like it was cheating, like I was saying I couldn't handle what I was going through so I'd get chemicals to do it for me instead. I realise now I had the wrong view on it. When I went to the GP he explained it to me in a certain way.

He said that in my subconcious my problems are blown out of proportion and there is a block stopping my subconcious from communicating to my concious to deal with it. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) helps you learn to communicate between the two better, however, medication can be used to open up this communication to ease the path a little.

I think of it like two people on msn but the signal keeps cutting out because they're on shitty dial up. They keep getting annoyed with each other because they keep missing bits of each other's messages and getting the wrong idea. CBT will lead me to fibre optic broadband, but meds should be able to get me to at least 20meg to start things off so these two people can at least talk to each other to start solving their problems.

Poor metaphors aside, this way of thinking about it made me accept the idea of medication. I realised chemicals don't take over and do it all for me, but give me a bit of a boost to make it less difficult.

The GP called me back, panic over, and I've got a prescription for Propranolol, a betablocker which should reduce the pent up and anxious feelings. I'm on a low dose and if that's enough then great, if not then the dose will be increased. I'm slightly concerned about side effects but I'll update over them as they occur. Apparently a lot of anxiety and depression medication causes a reduction in libido, which I hope doesn't happen as I'm rather fond of sex. But then again, if I'm happier maybe I'll want it more. I guess I'll find out.