Today I got my second tattoo. I was a bit anxious this morning thinking 'Had I eaten enough? Was what I had for breakfast enough?' I'd also dreamt that it had gone wrong so wasn't very rested this morning. My food worries were unfounded, I was probably fixating on it because I know you need to eat before getting inked for your stomach to grip to something.
Anyways, the artist was nice, the work was quick and I got what I wanted.
This is what I got. My Mum made cards. I still have every one that she's made for me and was surprised when my step dad sent me one made by her for my graduation. Ends up she'd had it ready before she died. Impressive considering she still thought she was going. This is what she wrote on the back of every single one, she stamped Handmade By and then wrote her name. So now I have her handwriting on me, staking her claim in my making.
I find body mods quite empowering. I felt the urge for a new piercing when my anxiety was peaking a few weeks ago, got that and now this tattoo. Maybe it's something to do with controlled pain and making your body do what you want, who knows.
I've been mostly free of 'anxious moments' today. Except for one commenter on my tattoo who said it looked like the Disney font. I think he was just being funny but to me it felt insulting. Like I'd been tricked into thinking that was my Mum's writing when in fact it was a cheap font. I got less angry than I would have been, I think. I'm slowly trying to realise that it's not always other people's fault the way I react.
Anyway, I'm going to finish my tea and go pick up my Pranolol prescription. Now the medication part begins!
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